|This image is not Raymond Approved.|
Today I post for your perusal an electronic representation of the Raymond’s Certificate of Authentication I received from the Tampa Bay Rays. As is often the case with official documents, this document contains an untruth. Although it is true the document in question was presented to me, David Barker, and it is also true I took receipt of said document on April 18th, 2011, the manner in which I earned this attestation is disparagingly misrepresented. For you see Raymond, whatever mongrel-type animal you claim to be, I did not merely retrieve that foul ball, I caught that motherf****r. That’s right, I caught it; and your faint imprimatur, pantsless visage, and Sharpie-scribed document will never knock free the memory I clutch close to my heart for lo these many months.