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| This image is not Raymond Approved. |
Today I post for your perusal an electronic representation
of the Raymond’s Certificate of
Authentication I received from the Tampa Bay Rays. As is often the case with official documents,
this document contains an untruth.
Although it is true the document in question was presented to me, David
Barker, and it is also true I took receipt of said document on April 18th,
2011, the manner in which I earned this attestation is disparagingly
misrepresented. For you see Raymond, whatever
mongrel-type animal you claim to be, I did not merely retrieve that foul ball, I caught
that motherf****r. That’s right, I
caught it; and your faint imprimatur, pantsless visage, and Sharpie-scribed document
will never knock free the memory I clutch close to my heart for lo these many
months.
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