Sunday, September 30, 2012

Dave Wills and the Bad Dandelions

Mr. Wills during the Rays nerd-themed road trip.

You probably know Dave Wills's voice from when it answers your prayers at night.  You probably know that Dave Wills's voice has the power to create and destroy worlds a million times over.  You probably also know Dave Wills is one of the Tampa Bay Rays radio broadcasters on 620 Amplitude Modulation, also known as 620 AM for those in a hurry.  What you may not know is that during Rays Neon Hat Promo Night, Dave Wills weaved beautiful simile into his color commentary. casting a penetrating gaze out onto the great expanse of his workplace, Mr. Wills compared the appearance of neon hats against the blue backdrop of sparsely-populated Tropicana Field seats to "bad dandelions" popping up from the blue football field of Boise State.  For that, the BBB celebrates Dave Wills, man of golden voice and silver tongue.  The relevant clip is available just below, followed at the very end of this post by a sterling example of his previous work, which begins at the 0:50 mark.


The bad dandelions in their natural habitat.

Indelible Links

From Don Morris and Curtis Krueger of the Tampa Bay Times, a graphical retelling of Baseball's Greatest Night, which occurred approximately one year ago.

CityScape's proposal for a new Rays stadium.  

The enthusiastic, mustachioed smile of Dewayne Staats.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Hark! The Herald Hornblowers Blow

When important things happen it is imperative that we celebrate with the blowing of horns.  The Herald Angels knew this, as do the self-assured retirees at Florida Auto Exchange Stadium in Dunedin. 

Who amongst us has not yearned to bellow thusly?  This is not simply the unmodulated cacophony of fools and dumb children, as it was that horrible night in Miami when the Marlins handed out free vuvuzelas.  This is strategic!  So let the denizens of that far dugout hear the grey lions roar!  Then, as conquerors, we shall return to the somewhat old yet virtuous women of the Sunset Village Retirement Community and we shall bruise in them the serpent’s head, joining Thine to ours, and ours to Thine, as the randy hymnal suggests all good Christians do. 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Minors Imitating Majors: Melvin Mercedes

There are some among us whose style, whose carriage, is so unique we are compelled to imitate it.  We should forgive ourselves of this, and rebuke those who would deny us our imitation, for we are but mortal and cannot be expected to throw on the bedraggled rags of shabbiness when the vestments of divine Funk are near.  Like Eddie Murphy robed in the sweaty velvet of Soul, we dip our toes into the Celebrity Tub that is HOT, and in the process, stave off banality for one more day.

So join me in remarking that Melvin Mercedes, of pre-pitch twist and post-pitch duck, resembles Detroit closer Jose Valverde.  Sitting at 97 mph if the stadium gun is to be believed, Mercedes, 190 pounds if the Lakeland Tigers website is to be believed, made it Too Funky in Here on September 12th, 2012 en route to the Florida State League Championship at Joker Marchant Stadium.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Brett Lawrie Needs to Adjust Himself

When Major Leaguers are rehabilitating from injury, they frequently play a few games for their franchise’s Minor League affiliate just before returning to the Bigs.  Such was the case for Toronto Blue Jays third baseman Brett Lawrie during a recent Florida State League Division Championship game at Florida Auto Exchange Stadium in Dunedin.  Now, a while back over at Tropicana Field, the BBB scouting department had previously entered into their Atari Portfolio PDA that Brett Lawrie is a fidgety sort, fussing and twitching and adjusting himself throughout the entirety of his defensive outings.  So, we were primed to notice his behavior at this Minor League game, where we moved in to capture some close-up video and synchronize it to horns and whistles for your giggly entertainment.

Thank you for watching.  You may now return to your Taco Bell entrĂ©e and Jerry Bruckheimer production.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Dave Huppert's Ritual at Third Base

Dave Huppert, where do you go when you look so far away?

When it comes to the official BBB videographer, frequent visitors to this site have come to expect a certain level of incompetence.  His regrettable performance is due entirely to a bizarre pre-game ritual consisting of two parts:  (a) positive self-affirmations shouted into the ballpark restroom mirror and (b) the execution of twenty-five Karate Kid-style crane kicks atop the first base dugout during batting practice.  The impetus for this strange behavior is known only to the videographer.  However, we do know that invariably these intense activities reduce him to a state of tremoring hypoxia, resulting in the poor planning and execution of his craft, which has been well-documented in these web pages.

As a result of these sad facts, it came as quite a shock to the BBB editors that their bungling camera jockey turned in the following well-framed and properly-focused video of someone else’s ritual.  The video is of championship manager Dave Huppert and the strange little rite he performs before every Tigers turn at the plate.  Every inning of every game, Mr. Huppert trots out to third base, stands on top of it, and methodically swipes the dirt from around the bag, one side at a time in a very specific order:  right foot along the side facing home plate, then left foot along the side facing second base, then left foot along the side facing left field, then finally, left foot along the side facing the third base stands.  See this curiosity for yourself in the video below or at tonight’s Florida State League playoff game in Lakeland.